Not a day goes by...

June 4, 2017

Four years ago today, I was in the Provo Missionary Training Center. It was a P-day. I wrote in my journal:

"TODAY WAS GEWELDIG. My dad sent the talk "Becoming a Consecrated Missionary" finally and THEN TAD R. CALLISTER CAME TO GIVE THE DEVO on the blueprint of Christ's church it was SWEET." 

Three years ago, I was in Gouda. On that day, we were on exchanges and we did service. I felt like we had wasted too much time at the person's house post-service and then too much time in the apartment for our dinner hour. I felt really guilty and like I was being a lazy missionary. But then I remembered district meeting where we talked about "the love of God and all mankind--self included." Even Moses had weaknesses that never became strengths. All we can do is repent, and then get to work becoming better. I remember kneeling on that checkered black and white floor and saying a prayer of repentance, and then we got out and I just felt like I was being steered toward all the right places and we ended up having four lessons. I gained such a strong testimony of listening to our leaders that day. I wrote in my journal: 

"I love being a missionary.... Repentance is real and God even blesses the sinner." 

Every entry wasn't like that--there were some times that the days seemed hopeless and the clouds hung low. But the one thing that never changed was the feeling: I love being a missionary. From the day I got my tag to the day I took it off, I treasured it. And, not gonna lie, it kinda hurts knowing that I'll never wear it again. 

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my mission and how much I loved it. Rarely does a day pass where I don't wish I could go back. And you know what drives me crazy? People who belittle those feelings. 

Examples of things people say :

"It's not like you can't have spiritual experiences anymore"

"Your spirituality is dependent on you, not your mission"

"You can decide to let your spirituality decrease or increase--it's not dependent on your mission"

"Your mission wasn't meant to last forever, just move on" 

"Your next companion is going to be your spouse, so just go get married." 

Okay, I know that life goes on and that we can still have missionary experiences and grow spiritually after the mission. It's not the spirituality that I miss. 

It's the companions I got to be with 24/7 who laughed and cried with me. The companions I got to have "Together Forever" movie nights with and sing with while getting ready in the morning. The companions I who grew to be my closest friends--and who had to be my friend and spend time with me because we were companions ;) 

It's the district and zone meetings that brought us all together in purpose. It wasn't like church--it was a different feeling--one of unity and togetherness. 

It's the privilege of getting to preach the gospel full-time. 

It's the members! Oh, those members. I don't know if many of them even remember me with how many missionaries they've had, but those dutch members have my heart. 

It's the investigators--the people you find in the most random ways who's lessons become the highlight of your week.

It's the multiple learning experiences you get every SINGLE day because you are FORCED to take your problems head on. We can have learning experiences still, but not in the same way. 

It's the mantel; the greatest blessing I've known. I really miss wearing that tag.

It's the COUNTRY. I never thought I could feel so at home in a foreign country, but I really did. 

There is nothing like a mission. Nothing that can even be comparable to a mission. It is the most unique life experience that I will ever have. And everyone who's like me, who misses their mission, who is having a hard time moving on--even months or years afterwards--IS COMPLETELY VALIDATED IN THEIR FEELINGS. 

Even Jeffery R. Holland, a man of 76 years old, counts the months that he's been home from his mission. He's said that no one's mission meant more to them than his did to him. 

"I tell you that it was the most important thing that ever happened to me in my life, that it’s brought so many blessings that have now become important and now take their place in my life, but which would not have happened, I’m absolutely confident they would not have happened, if it had not been for the privilege of a mission."

I know my mission has shaped me in a similar way. I wasn't the best missionary, and sometimes I wish I could do it all over, but better this time. But what I learned from all my experiences was divinely inspired, and I wouldn't trade in any of them for anything.

Amazing

So this week wasn't exactly what the title implies, but it was pretty great. There was this day that we missionaries, both us sisters and the elders, were at a members house pretty much all day working in her garden. She's pretty old so she couldn't really help but it was a life changing day. We were talking a lot about good, great, and amazing. In life. In people. In families. One elder quoted a friend of his who said "being on my missions, I have seen the good families, and the great families, and then I see the families that are absolutely amazing. And I want to have a family like that. But to do that, I first have to be amazing, and I have to marry someone amazing."

The amount of talking about marriage on missions is ridiculous, but it was interesting to hear that. It made me think a lot about what kind of person I am and what I'm worthy of, so to speak. But It's interesting to be able to catch that glimpse of our eternal potential in moments like that. I was able to catch the glimpse of my own amazing-ness. And that was really something special. And I hope that when we all look in the mirror, we can all see our eternal potential as AMAZING, because we are all sons and daughters of the most AMAZING being in all the universe and we have the most amazing potential.

I love you all! you're amazing :) 

xoxo

Zuster Hoff

in the right August 11

Title: In the Right

SO remember in like elementary school when the motto is like "be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing."? Well so that motto is like applicable to like everything. Especially missionary work. When you're in the right place at the right time doing the right thing, blessings come! And you are able to be used as a tool in God's hands. That's pretty cool.

Examples:

One of the days this week we thought it was going to take a while to get home, so we went home and we ended up having 30 more minutes. What would be the right thing to do? Be diligent. So we decided to walk around the block, and since we live pretty close to the centrum, there's a good amount of people outside. So we're contacting, and there's this adorable little family by the bus stop and we start talking to them and they're from Eritrea in Africa and they don't speak a lot of Dutch but the dad speaks a little more and so we talk to him and it turns out he is Christian and his family just came a few months ago and they are in the process of moving. We tell them we can help with moving and they get SO happy and say that they know God sent us and they need all the help they can get and they give us their number and say they are really looking forward to us calling and they are just such pure souls. So we call them up the next day and make an appointment for the day after that. When it comes time for the appointment, we go to their house and they aren't home :( so we call and they say they are at their other house and so tonight wont work. Sad, we go back to our bikes and I turn to my companion and say "well since we're here should we knock a few doors?" And she says "okay"so we knock some doors and nobody's interested but after like 5 or 6 doors THE WIFE OF THE FAMILY COMES HOME! And she welcomes us in and gives us a plate of cookies and she speaks a little english so we talk to her about the Restoration and have her get her bible and it was so special! We came back the next night to talk with her and her husband and it was really cool! They are the cutest little family. And it was only because of our diligence and being in the right place doing the right thing at the right time that let us be privileged to be a part of that.

Today, we came to the library to email instead of emailing at the church and we came a lot later than we normally do, too. But right when we got here, there was this man right outside who noticed us and talked to us and said he had all of the books and stuff from us and was about to get baptized a few years ago but was too busy with work and everything and he used to come to church but not anymore. We asked if he  wanted to come back and he said yes! So he gave us his address and number and said he was looking forward to seeing us.

It was incredible. Really, all we have to do is be doing the right thing, and we'll be put in the right place at the right time. That's pretty much the coolest thing.

Well I'm pretty excited for this next transfer with my new companion. She's also from Colorado! Whooo Colorado sistas! It's gonna be a blast.

Carry on and Conquer.

xoxo

Zuster Hoff

We Cannot Let the Butterflies Govern Us oct 13- no blog oct 6

Title: We Cannot Let the Butterflies Govern Us

Okay. I have been holding out on you all. Sorry I didn't blog last week. So many people to write. Not enough time. And also I haven't been letting on very much about this Sweeterlake place that I am.

I've already mentioned that it is incredible. We had a baptism yesterday and literally all I did was stand there for the picture. I was never at his house to teach an appointment because I had been on exchanges all those days, but also, the ward was so good at fellowshipping and taking care of him that we didn't even need to do anything to help him. All I did was help plan for about 3 lessons that my companion and another sister would teach him. And it's pretty humbling to see what little influence we have as missionaries in the big plan of Heavenly Father. Sometimes I get really frustrated being the companion of a Sister Training Leader because I feel like I have no purpose. I'm not the one who is in charge of the sisters, and usually I get sent to a different city to work once or twice a week or am left in my own city without my companion, and it just feels frustrating because I feel like I have no goal. But it appears that as we are submissive to the will of God despite our circumstances, he will bless us or those around us with success because of our sacrifices.

So yes, the baptismal service was so beautiful.The ward pretty much did everything--we didn't have to do a thing except make calls beforehand.This 13 year old boy put together his whole program and chose all the songs. And then he was baptized. And of course we celebrated with a cake with his face on it afterwards. I ate his ear. Yes.

We also had a sisters conference this past weekend when all the sisters in the mission came to the mission home and it was fun. We talked about priesthood and the scattering and gathering of Israel and then the sister training leaders talked about things.One of them talked about fear. In Genesis 3 we read that in the beginning Adam and Eve were in the Garden, and after they had taken of the fruit and God came back and called to Adam, he said "I heard thy voice and I was afraid." It appears that the first sign of a fallen world is fear. And excuses. She said that we cannot let the butterflies govern us. We can take a few seconds to be scared, but then we must act. We must answer the call, and not hide because we are afraid when God calls us.

I love my mission! I love how much I learn! It is so good. :)

xoxo

Zuster Hoff

Trunky or Treat?

Trunky or Treat?

This week my group went home and I have to be honest, I do not feel a single bit of sadness that I didn't get to go with them--because I LOVE being here! It is definately a TREAT to have a few more weeks in this wonderful country, with a wonderful companion, wearing this wonderful nametag. It feels so right. 

So lets talk about all of the things I would've missed if I went home last week--

1. Trunk or Treat. The American branch meets in our building and invited our ward out to trunk or treat with them. It was so cool--the Dutch got really into it. It was awesome--everybody dressed up. So much fun. 

2. On Thursday, a sister I met while I was in the MTC-- she is from Rotterdam, went to the Washington DC North mission-- and got home last Thursday and her mom let her come be our mini missionary for a few hours before she got released!!! That was so cool!! I can't believe her mom let her do that. Hah.

3. We had institute on Thursday and we brought our polish investigator and taught him to carve pumpkins and bob for apples and play egg russian roulette and it was so good! Two Halloween parties in a country that doesn't even celebrate Halloween. We asked him if he had fun and he said
(in his very heavy polish accent) "yes, I didn't know it was possible without alcohol." Hah, by the way--HE'S STOPPED DRINKING. Miracles of the atonement are seen with this man. Miracles. Really, truly. What an honor it is to see it.

4. On friday, we met with the farmer and made a baptismal date with him! Finally. That was a great lesson. 

5. Saturday we got to celebrate my 18 month mark on my mission. That was cool--how many sisters get to do that? (proabably a lot... but probably not most!)

It has been a real solid week and it's gonna be a real solid next few weeks. Make the last days the best days--that's what's gonna happen. 

xoxo

Zuster Hoff

I AM .......... coming home! nov 10

Title: I AM.

So this week was good! We had a lot of cancellations and some moments where motivation was a little out of sight, but we fought our way through it and did it well! We had an investigator from  Suriname make us peanut soup, we had some real good lessons, we went to Den Haag one night and split with some of their ward members to look up some members--it was really fun. I got to talking to this lady about my mission and all the things I've learned--like how hard work brings results and how no single missionary has success--we work together to bring salvation to these people and it is all in the Lord's success. I learned through talking it out that the worth of souls really is so great in the sight of God.
And then we had days where all we did was look ups and finding. But it was really cool, on Saturday, we just went out with a few names and addresses and we found some real cool people--everyone we looked up was home, we made 7appointments, and we had some real good conversations. There was this couple we stopped, and we stardted talking about the restoration with them, and the woman said "You can preach really well. You should do something with that." And then the man looks at her and goes "she is!" Haha.

And that's right, I am! How great is my calling!

Well. Only one week to go. Freaky. Well, I'm still in denial.

Tot volgend week!

xoxo

Zuster Hoff

I'm going there someday -- oct 20

Title: I'm going there someday...Actually, I went there last week

Title credit: Zuster Spencer. 

So as you may have guessed from the title, last week was TEMPLE CONFERENCE! It was so good! The nice thing about living so close to the temple is that for temple conference, you can get up at the normal time and just have a nice bike ride to the temple. 15 minutes, everyone. It was wonderful. Going to the temple so seldomly really makes it a special thing when the time finally comes around again to go. And it was so good to see my old companions and be able to talk to them and have a wonderful, uplifting time together. After the temple session, we went to the church and had a conference where we learned about studying. Humility time, folks. And before this, actually, all of the people going home had to stand up and give their "dying" testimonies. And this time, I was a part of that group. It was so strange. I realized before I stood up there to give my testimony that I didn't want to sound stupid. I knew that there were going to be about 15 other people who also had to give their testimonies, so it would have to be short, so I brainstormed a few points that I wanted to share and rehearsed it in my head so that it sounded good when I said it. And then I stood up and I said:

I don't feel like this is real. I don't feel like I'm going home soon. And sometimes I have to give myself a reality check and say "okay. I'm going home in 5 weeks." And then I think "five weeks? that's not even any time to do anything." But then I remember when Elder Texiaria came to this mission and gave a conference. He asked "who is the missionary who is going home next?" This one elder raised his hand. Elder Texiaria asked him how many days he had left. The Elder answered "16." And then Elder Texiaria said "imagine the mortal mission of Jesus Christ without the last 16 days." And then I realize that there is still work to do, prayers to pray, and....probably a lot of suffering. On my mission I've really come to know that Jesus Christ is the source of all healing. He has healed me. He can heal you. And He can heal the people you work with. I have really come to learn the difference between trusting in the Lord with all my heart and leaning to my own understanding. And when I trust in the Lord with all my heart--that's when I see miracles. And I say that in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

After the conference, I went on exchanges with a sister who had only been in the land for four weeks in Almere. Being with her and hearing her questions and insights, it made me reflect to where I was about 16 months ago. And I saw for the first time how far I had truly come. A year and a half is so short, but it is so much time to learn and grow. She asked me what one of the biggest lessons I've learned is, and I told her that it was prayer. Learning how to pray. When I was in my first city, I knelt down one night to pray, tired of the same old prayer routine and feeling like I was praying just to pray. And so I decided to pray until I felt something. And when I prayed and put my heart and soul into communicating with my Heavenly Father, I felt His reply. I felt His comfort. I felt His approval. I felt His love. And as I continued to pray with purpose and with the expectation that God would give me answers because I was His child and He loved me, He has answered me. He has blessed me. And better yet, He has blessed those I loved, whom I also prayed for. 

I know that this gospel is true, or there would be no logical explanation for the joy I feel in my heart when I share it and when I live it. I love that the Lord hath seeth it fit to put me in the places I have been with the people I have been with. And I love, love, love, love all of it. 

xoxo

Zuster Hoff