The Worth of a Soul

Today, I was reflecting on a time back when I was at work closing one night and my co-workers were asking me questions about my mission. One question was: is there a quota set for how many baptisms you need each week?

I have problems with this question. While, I admit, it's a good question, for people who aren't familiar with the work, it's such a sad question.

The answer is no.

The answer is no because each individual is a person. Not a number. Of course we keep track of membership, because the way of the Lord and the way of the church is to "establish a house...of order," and to keep track of that sort of thing is very important, but one baptism is not just another member and another number.

One person affects generations.

"The worth of souls is great in the sight of God....and if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people and bring save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my father." DC 18:10, 15-16

Heavenly Father doesn't love us as a population. Jesus Christ didn't die for the collective whole human race. God loves every single person individually. He knows your strengths, your weaknesses, your needs, your faults. Christ saw your face specifically while suffering through the crucifixion.

Being a member is not just being a number published in an annual report. Baptizing people is not just adding to that number.

I am going to serve because I know the impact this gospel has had on me. I owe my life to it. And I know there are people out there searching for something to give their lives meaning. This is it. I KNOW that this is it. THAT'S what serving is about. It's not about adding numbers.

Because why on earth would I want to waste a year and a half of my life trying to collect people to this church for the sole purpose of it having membership? You think most 18 year old boys care about that sort of thing? No.

There is no other incentive than sharing the message we believe in and helping others find it, too.

Sheri Dew said "Do you want to be happy? And I mean really happy? Then nurture someone along the path that leads to the temple and ultimately to Jesus Christ."

Well, I want to be happy. And my goodness, I know I'm going to be.

Giving Our Will

Another fab talk (do I say fab too much? probs) is The Fourth Missionary (you can find it here http://www.scribd.com/doc/34660140/The-Fourth-Missionary ) and though it is long, it is straight up perfect.

 

Here is a snip-it of what he says about surrendering your will to the Father's:

 

"In the end, your heart and your will is all that you have to give that the Lord does not already have. If you give your time, two years, and your strength, you give only that which He grants to you with each beat of your heart and each breath that you draw. If you dedicate your gifts and talents, you only return to Him what He already has given to you. If you pay tithing you only return to Him a tenth of what he has already given to you

Everything that you have to give to the Lord, has its origin in Him, except one thing: your will. He does not haveyour heart, nor your mind, unless you give them to Him. It is the only gift you have to offer that He does not already have. And so when you give yourself, you truly give everything to Him."

 

Everything love. It's hard, but it's probably harder to fight it. So, in the end, it's probably the easiest thing you could do.

 

:)

 

Becoming a Consecrated Missionary

Nowhere on the internet can I find this talk, but luckily for me, a Sister Missionary who served in my area and became a great friend introduced me to it by sending me a copy. It is fabulous and should be read by every missionary or missionary-to-be.

I thought I was going to be great. I thought I was going to get out in the field and be an F-A-B fab missionary. But then I read this talk and realized just how much of my nature I need to change to be completely moldable by the Lord so that I can be His mouthpiece and servant. It's a humbling talk, for sure, but also a definite motivator.

It's long, but worth it. Promise.

Enjoy :)

President Tad R Callister

September 6, 2007

 Becoming a Consecrated Missionary

Many years ago, I entered the Missionary Training Center as a young, enthusiastic missionary. The training was shorter and simpler then, but the spirit was just as powerful. I have long forgotten most of what was said, but an observation made by the MTC president struck me that has remained with me to this day. He said, “Every mission has a number of good, even great missionaries, but most missions only have about five or so consecrated missionaries—those who are willing to lay everything on the altar of sacrifice.” Today I believe we have many more such consecrated missionaries in the Canada Toronto East Mission. But to those of you who are not quite yet there, but would like to be, it is to you whom I would like to speak today—about becoming a consecrated missionary.

What Is A Consecrated Missionary?

What is a consecrated missionary? It is a missionary who is willing to lay everything on the altar of sacrifice and to hold nothing back. It is a willingness to give every ounce of energy, every conscious thought, and every drop of passion to this work—to submit our will to God’s will whatever it may be. Every missionary who has been to the temple had covenanted to consecrate his all. The book of Omni records the depth and breadth f that covenant: “Yea, come unto me, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him” (Omni 1:26). The law of consecration is the law of the temple, it is the law of the celestial kingdom, and it is the law of a Zion mission.

Parley P. Pratt was such a consecrated missionary. He has served as a missionary for more than 25 years of almost constant labors. He had just returned home from his latest mission in Chile. He was hopeful that he could now remain at home and enjoy his family, but such expectations were short lived. President Brigham Young called him to serve yet another mission—this time in the eastern states. One can imagine the feelings that must have swelled up in Parley’s heart. Perhaps he thought “Haven’t I given all that a mortal could be expected to give? Don’t I deserve to spend some time with my family and friends? Cant I just relax for a while?” But Parley P. Pratt was a consecrated missionary. On September 7, 1856, shortly after learning of his call by Brigham Young, he offered the following tender reflections and prophetic insights:

“I have desired, after travelling for twenty-five or twenty-six years, mostly abroad, to stay at home and minister among the people of God, and take care of my family; but God’s will be done, and not mine. If it is the will of God that I should spend my days in proclaiming this Gospel and bearing my testimony of these things, I shall think myself highly privileged and honored. And when the Spirit of God is upon me, I think it matters but very little what I suffer, what I sacrificed—whether I secure the honor or dishonor of men, or where I die, if it so be that I can keep the faith, fight the good fight, and finish my course with joy. I have all eternity before me, in which to enjoy myself.” (Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt, p. xxv.)

Sometimes there is a temptation to withhold part of the offering. Such was the case with Ananias and Sapphira, his wife. The scriptures tell us that they sold a possession and secretly kept back part of the price. As you recall, the consequence was devastating—they lost their lives (Acts 5:1-10). Sometimes good men, perhaps even great men, cant quite bring themselves to put everything on the altar of sacrifice, and in the course lose their eternal lives. So it was with the rich, young ruler. He had kept the commandments from his youth up. Then the Savior declared, “Yet lackest thou one thing. Sell all thou hast and distribute unto the poor…and come follow me.” But it was too much to ask, and he went away sorrowful, unwilling to put his all on the sacrificial altar. Peter, overhearing the conversation and understanding there could be no shortcuts to eternal life, no holding back, declared in contrast: “We have left all and followed thee” (Luke 18:18-28).

Perhaps we have one or two things which we lack, that we hold back from the sacrificial altar, that prevent us from becoming a consecrated missionary. May I discuss some of those, so that hopefully we too might become like Peter and leave our all on the altar of sacrifice.

Leave Our Fears On The Sacrificial Altar

First, we can leave our fears on the sacrificial altar and open our mouths with everyone. I recognize there may be multiple reasons why someone doesn’t open his mouth at all times and in all places—why he holds back a part of the offering. It could be a timid personality, or a fear of man, or a streak of laziness, but whatever the reason may be, it is never ever good enough. It never outweighs the Savior’s command which states: “At all times and in all places he shall open his mouth and declare my gospel as with the voice of a trump both day and night.” And then comes the promise to all those who do: “And I will give unto him strength such as is not known among men” (DC 24:12). This injunction is repeated again and again in the scriptures On another occasion the Lord said, “And thou must open thy mouth at all times” (D&C 28:16). And yet again, “Lift up your voice and spare not” (DC 34:10). As to those who are unwilling to do so, the Lord warned: “But with some I am not well pleased, for they will not open their mouths but they hide the talent which I have given unto them because of the fear of men” (DC 60:2)

Sometimes in life we just have to square our shoulders and do it. There is no magic pill that makes us courageous, no passage of time that strengthens us, no memorized approach that emboldens us. We are left only with the compelling counsel of King Benjamin: “And now, if ye believe all these things, see that ye do them” (Mosiah 4:19).

Years ago, my grandfather was serving as the president of the Rotterdam Branch in Holland. He told of a woman who came to him destitute, who had earned the equivalent of an American quarter for the entire week. She asked if she needed to pay tithing. He looked at her for a minute in her impoverished condition, and then said: “Sister, if this were my church, I would not take your tithing. But this is not my church; it is the Lord’s church, and tithing is a principle upon which blessings of the Lord are predicated.” (LeGrand Richards Speaks, P. 185.) She paid her tithing. 

If I could, I would exempt some who struggle from opening their mouth. I know how hard it is for them, but I cannot. The command to open one’s mouth is not my command. It is not the command of Preach My Gospel, it is not the command of the missionary department, it is the command of the Lord who has spoken on this subject again and again through his living prophets. Sometimes, we have to be like Nephi and say, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” (1 Nephi 3:7). Sometimes we must do more than tell the stories of the Book of Mormon; we must live them.

The Lord in speaking to a group of departing missionaries, told them five times to “preach by the way” (DC 52:10-27). We preach by the way when we talk to people in the parking lots, when we speak with people in elevators, when we speak to people in the stores or at the gas stations. Consecrated missionaries preach by the way at all times and in all places, both day and night. Sometimes we have missionaries who are so worried about offending people that in the process they never ever save them.

Jeremiah discussed the challenges he faced in opening his mouth. He said that he was in the “derision daily,” meaning that he was ridiculed on a regular basis. Obviously fed up with the rejection and the mocking, he momentarily threatened, “I will not make mention of him [meaning Christ] nor speak any more in his name.” In other words, he would no longer speak as a representative of Jesus Christ, and declare the gospel. In essence he took off his badge and declared he was going home. Then the noble spirit of Jeremiah surfaces, and he said: “But his word was in my heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones and I was weary with forbearing and I could not stay” (Jer 20:8-9). Thereafter, he could not stay in his “apartment.” He could not stay from sharing the gospel; he could not stay from opening his mouth. He became a spiritual hunter (Jer 16:16). It seems only appropriate that Jeremiah should prophecy of hunters in our day: “and after will I [the Lord] send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain, and from every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks” (Jer 16:26). Consecrated missionaries are the hunters he saw.

The reason it is so important to open our mouths is that every time we do so we exercise faith, and every time we exercise faith we invite miracles.

Put Our Romantic Passions on the Table

Second, a consecrated missionary puts his romantic passions on the altar of sacrifice; he has a locked heart and a focused mind. He is never flirtatious; he does not have an eye on the cute blonde laurel or the friendly young single adult, nor is his prime focus with the young women after sacrament meeting. He rises above all of that. As hard as it may be, he disciplines his passions. His eye is riveted to this work. He is like the thoroughbred horse with his blinders on. He races ahead, seeing only track and finish. If an inappropriate thought enters his mind, he drives it out with a song or scripture or poem. His mind does not go with the flow. Rather, there is an active, concerted, conscientious effort to keep his mind pure and clean. When David saw Bathsheba, he continued to watch—that was his downfall. When Joseph was tempted by Pharaoh’s wife, the scriptures say: “[He] got him out” (Gen 39:12), and that was his salvation. It is no different with our minds. You young missionaries are surrounded, almost immersed, by those in immodest clothing, by suggestive billboards, by magazines and papers that have lost all sense of moral decency. I know you are trying to garnish your thoughts with virtue unceasingly (DC 121:45). I commend you for this and encourage you in this noble pursuit. The consequences will be monumental in your life. As a missionary you will have confidence that the Lord will hear and answer your prayers. When you go home and date, you may have a romantic courtship, but one that is still clean and wholesome. And when you are married you will be a loyal and true spouse.

If every action is preceded by a thought, then every consecrated missionary must first have a clean and consecrated mind.

Give up Pride

Third, a consecrated missionary gives up his pride on the sacrificial altar. The Lord made it clear, “And no one can assist in this work except he be humble and full of love” (DC 12:8). Pride manifests itself in many ways—perhaps in disloyalty to those who are our leaders. Loyalty is much more than a reluctant submissiveness. It is an active pursuit not only to follow the counsel of our leaders, but to seek their counsel. A consecrated missionary hungers and thirsts for instruction as to how he can be better, and how fortunate we are to have so many missionaries in our mission who manifest that spirit.

Pride may manifest itself in jealousy of companions. I think of one of the finest elders of this mission. I never heard him say “I.” It was always “we” or “my companion did this” or “my companion did that.” Though his words always credited someone else, somehow you always knew he was the driving force behind it all.

Pride may manifest itself in a defensive attitude of a multitude of excuses. On one occasion I reprimanded a missionary for an act of blatant disobedience. He started to offer excuses; finally I said “if you want to offer excuses I cannot help you. If you are willing to acknowledge the wrong, we can then build for a constructive future on a sure and solid foundation.” Fortunately he chose the latter course.

The other night I was with Elder Choi and Elder McClellan. We were talking to a mother who was reluctant to let her 17 year old son be baptized. For at least ten minutes of the conversation she chastised them severely, and literally “raked them over the coals.” No doubt they were embarrassed, perhaps even offended. In my estimation, they had done nothing wrong. Instead, they were taking an undeserved whipping of substantial proportions. I thought, will they fight back, will they argue, will they defend their position? To their credit there was no argument, no excuses—simply the humble response that they were trying to do what was best for her son and if in any way they had failed to do so they were sorry. They were not trying to win an argument. They were trying to save a soul. With that humble spirit, her heart softened and finally she agreed that she would listen more carefully to the message her son was being taught. They were consecrated missionaries—their pride had been put on the altar of sacrifice.

We put our Negativism and Sarcasm on the Table

Fourth, the consecrated missionaries are willing to give up any negativism or sarcasm. Instead they are optimistic and positive. They have a 24-hour smile. They live the invitation of the Savior, “Be of good cheer I have overcome the world” (John 6:33). There is not a negative bone in their bodies. There is no rejection at the door or on the street that can dim their enthusiasm. They are willing to pay the price of a repeated rejection for the hope of a single conversion. Whatever the world throws at them, they throw back a smile, because they know they have the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Several weeks ago, Elder Basha and Elder Meis went to finalize the baptismal plans for a man who had resolved to be baptized. To their great dismay, he made a 180 degree turn about and decided that he was no longer interested in the Church. They did their best to appeal to his spiritual inclinations, reminding him of the time he had borne his testimony, but to no avail. No doubt they were disappointed, even discouraged, for a moment. They attended to another appointment, and then returned to their bikes, only to learn they had both been stolen. They sought transportation, but found that there was a breakdown in the transit system, and thus they needed to walk home. But this was not the end of their troubles. Elder Meis felt a severe pain across his chest, which was later discovered to be shingles—a terribly painful disease. At the end of that fateful day, we saw Elder Basha and Elder Meis. They had a smile from ear t ear. They related to us the story and then, with their shining countenances that can never be dimmed, they said, “But we’re happy, because we know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true."

They reminded me of Heber C. Kimball and Brigham Young, who left for their missions to England. Their families were poverty stricken, they were sick, and there was little food available for the ensuing months. Heber and Brigham, finally able to raise themselves from their own sick beds, kissed their wives and started on their journey. Brigham recorded: “It seemed to me as though my very inmost parts would melt within me at the thought of leaving my family in such a condition.” (Men with a mission p. 71.) But before they were out of sight, Brigham directed the teamster to stop. He and Heber mustered all their strength to stand; they raised their hats over their heads three times and shouted, “Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah for Israel.” We have such consecrated missionaries who can should “Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah for Israel” even when they are bombarded with rejection, or illness, or disappointment—who have unwavering faith in the promise of Paul: “let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season shall we reap, if we faint not” (Gal 6:9).

Put On The Table Our Selfishness And Disobedience

But there is more. A consecrated missionary puts on the table any streak of disobedience he may possess, however large or small it may be. He has an unrelenting quest to be exactly obedient. King Lamoni recognized that Ammon was a consecrated missionary, for he said: “Even he doth remember all my commandments to execute them” (Alma 18:10). When I first came on this mission, I met several times with a missionary who was struggling with obedience. One day in frustration he blurted out: “What then is it you want me to do?” I replied: “you have missed the point. It is not what I want you to do, it should be what do you want to do?” There was a moment of silence and then he made this reflective observation: “you are not just asking me to change my behavior; you are asking me to change my nature.”

In order to become consecrated missionaries, some could be more exacting in their obedience, not because they have to, but because they want to. Then they will not only change their behavior, but their natures. Then they will become saints “submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mos 3:19). Such a nature may cause some to change the music they listen to; it may cause some to sacrifice the comfort of members’ homes and stay for shorter periods of time; it may cause some to be more compliant in obeying the dinner policy, or more positive in their speech, or more exacting in following the morning schedule. Whatever it is, the consecrated missionary will read the white handbook with enthusiasm, anxious to obey and follow every rule with exactness, knowing that it is not a book of restraints, but a book of blessings.

Extra Milers

Consecrated missionaries are extra milers. They put on the table of sacrifice every ounce of their energy, every hour of every day. When roger Bannister broke the four minute mile, he collapsed at the finish line into the hands of his supporters. A journalist, sensing all that was involved in that historic moment wrote: “the runner, open-mouthed, thin-legged, knowing only pace and goal, spending his strength so that the finish, at one mile, there was nothing more.” For a consecrated missionary, there is nothing more to give at the end of the day. He had put it all on the altar of sacrifice.

Consecrated missionaries are missionaries who would finish the marathon. They are missionaries who would go the full fifteen rounds. They are the missionaries who carry no white flags. Years ago at family night we would have wrestling as a part of the evening activities—our children loved it. When the kids were little I would sometimes hold them down and ask “do you give up?” at first they would say, “Yes, Dad, I give up.” Then I would say, “No, you never give up, you never give up.” As time would pass and I would ask the question again, they would quickly reply, “No, Dad, I never give up.” Consecrated missionaries never give up on the Lord’s work. They never throw in the towel. They are out of the apartment by 10:00 a.m. they do not come back before 9:00 p.m., except for lunch or dinner. They speak to everyone. They knock at one more door. There is a quickness in their pace and an urgency in their work. You can see it in their faces. When they are exhausted and nothing is left, they rely upon their faith, and the reserve tanks of energy somehow carry them through the day. They too become recipients of the promise to Joseph smith: “In temporal labors thou shalt not have strength for this is not thy calling.” But then the promise: “thou shall devote all thy service in Zion; and in this thou shalt have strength” (DC 24:7-9).

What Does It Cost To Be A Consecrated Missionary?

What is the cost to become a consecrated missionary? Some time ago I saw a movie on the life of Luther. He was about to be tried for heresy. Shortly before he was to meet with the court of inquisition, his spiritual mentor (a monk who had trained him and loved him) was cutting his hair with a razor. At one point the monk reprimands Luther for having turned the world upside down, leading the world in revolt—Protestants against Catholics. Then in a stirring moment, Luther grasps his arms and asks: “you wanted me to change the world. Did you think there would be no cost?” You came out here to change the world, to change lives. But there is a cost. It costs everything that you have on the altar of sacrifice—your fears, your pride, your laziness, your disobedience, your weaknesses; we cannot hold anything back. When you came to the mission field, you burned the bridges behind you, you burned the ships in the harbor. There is no retreat to your former life. You cannot have one foot at home and one foot in the mission field. The Lord demands our whole soul on the sacrificial altar. That is the price we must pay, and when we do, we become instruments in the hands of God.

What Is The Power Of A Consecrated Missionary?

What is the power of a consecrated missionary? Suppose I were to give you the following options, which would you choose?

100 mediocre missionaries of 80 consecrated missionaries?

100 mediocre missionaries or 50 consecrated missionaries?

100 mediocre missionaries or 20 consecrated missionaries?

100 mediocre missionaries or 1 consecrates missionary? –by the way, the name of the one consecrated missionary is Ammon.

Nephi realized that the power comes with consecration, not numbers. Laman and Lemuel could never understand this. They could not comprehend how they could get the brass plates. After all they said, “How is it possible that the Lord will deliver Laban into our hands. Behold he is a mighty man, and he can command fifty, yea, even he can slay fifty, then why not us.” For them it was all about numbers—50 was more powerful than 4, therefore they could not prevail. But for Nephi, man’s power was inconsequential. It was only the Lord’s power that counted. He replied: “for Behold, he [God] is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even his tens of thousands” (1 Ne 4:1). The power of a consecrated missionary is without limit. It is manifested in so many ways. As to Nephi, the scriptures tell us his words were so powerful, that for his detractors, “it were not possible that they could disbelieve his words” (3 Ne 7:18). When Peter spoke, the righteous were pricked in their hearts (Acts 2:37). When the sons of Mosiah preached the gospel, the scriptures declare: “they taught with power and authority of God” (Alma 17:3). And as to those consecrated missionaries who thrust in their sickle with all their souls, the Lord promised:  “your sins are forgiven you” (DC 31:5). Those are the powers and blessings of a consecrated missionary.

Consecrated Missionaries Serve The Savior Because They Love Him

What is the driving, motivating force for a consecrated missionary? It is the Savior and his atonement. If we fail to be obedient, if we fail to be humble, if we fail to be fearless, perhaps, we intellectually understand the atonement, but somehow we fail to grasp the underlying love of his sacrifice. Once we feel that, as well as understand it, we will be driven to give our all. We will realize that our all is a small repayment for his all.

Becoming a Consecrated Missionary

Each of us might appropriately ask, “what lack I yet to become a consecrated missionary?” There is no escaping it. God will demand our all. If we are shy or reserved—God will compel us to change, to be bold. He will jerk us out of our comfort zone again and again. If we are lazy or idle, he will push us and pull us even when we are exhausted. If we are disobedient, he will press us until we have a child-like submissiveness. He will not let us be content with our weaknesses.

Whatever the weakness may be that holds us back from becoming a consecrated missionary, the Lord had promised that if we have faith in him, and humble ourselves before him, that he will make weak things become strong unto us (Ether 12:26-27). I believe that. I do not believe there is one missionary whose weaknesses are greater that the strengths within him. Why? –because each of us are sons and daughters of God, with his divine nature and diving potential woven into the very fabric of our souls.

I do not think the Lord expects immediate perfection of us, but I do believe he expects immediate progress, and with that progress comes consecration. I believe that he recognizes and appreciates every step we take forward, however small it may be, striving to put our whole souls on the altar of sacrifice. At first consecration may seem like Mt. Everest, unconquerable, unapproachable, unassailable, but every step we take forward, however minute it may seem, furthers our ascent, until one day we have attained the summit. May we not be content with being a good, even a great missionary, when we have the capacity to be consecrated missionaries. May this be the burning and unquenchable quest of us all.

Imprinted on my Soul

 

It's not just a ring I wear.

It's not just a pretty acronym.

It's not just a piece of jewelry.

It's who I am.

The Gift of Tongues

"Wij geloven in de gave van talen, profetie, openbaring, visioenen, gezondmaking, uitlegging van talen enzovoort." Geloofsartikelen #7

We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healings, interpretations of tongues and soforth." Article of Faith #7

People not of this LDS faith hearing about my mission think it's so cool that I'm going to Belgium and the Netherlands to serve a mission (well, they think the Belgium/Netherlands part is cool. More often than not, they're not as interested in the "to serve a mission" part.) However, when they learn that I have to learn Dutch, they are flabbergasted.

"Have you started learning it yet? You'll probably need to buy like a Rosetta Stone for that."

"I would start studying that, five months is not a long time."

"You're expected to learn the entire language in six weeks?"

Clearly, these people don't understand that Mormons are superhuman beings. Honestly.

In all reality, though, I grew up thinking the gift of tongues was strictly a missionary gift. And hey, maybe in many senses, it is. I knew that missionaries learning foreign languages would go into the Missionary Training Center and get sent out being able to converse with a completely different language speaking people. I thought "yeah, we're so cool because we can learn languages fast." I knew that God's work would not be hindered by the imperfection of human learning and the inability of instant knowledge. It was not until I grew up a lot, however, that I truly understood the gift of tongues.

Many of the missionaries I know or that I've heard from or about who didn't know their mission language before going on their mission said that they pretty much didn't understand anybody and couldn't really communicate with anyone while they were on their mission for the first 4-6 months. Little children laughed at their broken attempts at speaking and they felt stupid.

Likewise, I've heard stories of people who have had that broken, stuttering, failing language thing going who have stood up in Sunday church to give a talk, or just in front of a group of people, or even just in front of one or two people, who testified with the spirit so strongly that their once clumsy tongue became eloquent, and every conjugation, pronoun and conjunction was pinpoint perfect for those few moments they spoke. Moments like those are moments where the gift of tongues is present.

When we go back a while and consider the process of becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we remember that we get "[baptized] by immersion for the remission of sins and [confirmed] by the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost." The gift of the Holy Ghost. That is the gift that keeps on giving. My favorite scripture about the Holy Ghost is found in 2 Nephi 32

"2 Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels? And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost?
3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

Hold up. THE HOLD GHOST ENABLES US TO SPEAK WITH THE TONGUE OF ANGELS. And that's not all, ANGELS SPEAK BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY GHOST. Wait, there's more! We're always saying "the missionary doesn't convert the person, the spirit does." Well hey, then, maybe we should, like, really, really, try our hardest to keep the Holy Ghost really close to us so that we can speak with the tongue of angels by the power of the Holy Ghost to convert the hearts of the people. Whata concept.

The gift of tongues is essentially the gift and power of the Holy Ghost to be held within us and flow out our mouths. If we speak by the spirit, it shouldn't matter if we're expected to learn Tagalong, or Tahitian, or Portuguese, or Spanish, or French, or German, or Dutch, or even Afrikaans. The spirit is the same in every language.

I truly believe that and can't wait to see it in action.

Not a Very Nice Person

My friend came home from Disneyworld (where he works) today to visit for a few days, and me being the maybe-too-outgoing-and-crazy friend, offered to pick him up at the airport. When I was leaving home today, I realized... I don't know my way to or around the airport...this should be fun.

So I'm driving there. In the snow. In the middle of April. In the snow. And I'm trying to figure out where I'm going--did I mention iT WAS SNOWING?

So I finally get off the exit and I switch lanes about ten times trying to figure out which lane they want me to be in to get to the correct terminal for the correct airline, and finally I get to the roofed part and go into the parking lot that has a big red light on that says "FULL." Great. Now I'm never going to find a spot. And I've already been issued this dumb ticket because parking is FOUR DOLLARS AN HOUR (seriously, you might not ever meet anybody who is as frugal with their money as I am...besides maybe my mother. Especially preparing for a mission--every dollar is precious) and so I'm going through and I remember that I'm going to need a lot of space on the side so that I can fit his wheelchair in the space between the two cars and open the door wide enough to fit his wheelchair in and these spaces are like, way close to each other. This does not look promising. Oh and look at the time, he's already landed.

Lo and behold, I look up to see a pair of reverse lights on, backing out of the perfect wheelchair accessible parking spot (without actually being a handicapped spot...I don't have one of those rearview mirror tags.) I see a suburban off to the side that is probably waiting for this spot. Probably has been since before I saw it. But this car is backing out so that I have a clear shot in, while this huge suburban is blocked. I'm not proud to say it, but I went ahead and took it. I grabbed the spot while I could. I was so done with driving and snow in April and airports and parking that charges by the hour and just crowded parking lots in general.

I wait in my car a little bit and then I decide it's time to go in. While I'm walking towards the entrance, the lady in the suburban pulls up in front of me with her window down and says, "you are not a very nice person, I hope you know." We had a brief conversation, I apologized and gave my pathetic wheelchair excuse, she told me not to make things up, once again confirmed her notion that I was not a very nice person, then drove away.

I felt awful. While I waited with the crowd of people at the terminal, I felt the hard metal around my thumb and felt like I had done injustice to my CTR ring. I knew that if someone had taken my spot, I'd be mad too. She was probably looking for a spot longer than I was. She definitely had a bigger car that was more difficult to park. She had children in the backseat. If I felt completely done with all of the things I mentioned before, I could bet that she felt that way too. And now I had stolen her spot, leaving her to continue driving around the lot, looking for another spot that she could fit into.

I sat there thinking "I'm about to be a missionary! I am a nice person!" but that wouldn't do anything for me. I knew if I had associated myself with the church in that instance, it would give me even more of a bad rep. And I continued to feel worse. I could've said, "I'm sorry, I am a nice person, but crowded parking lots bring out the worst in me." And then it dawned on me. Maybe, driving around crowded parking lots brings out the worst in her, too.

I am a nice person. Way too nice, really. Awkwardly nice. Like, a lot of nice. When I was in sixth grade, I organized a pretty boss lemonade stand to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims, and on top of that, I donated my entire savings up until that point (around 64 bucks, which is a lot for a sixth grader) to the cause. Too long ago? Well let's consider just this week. On Sunday, I fed the missionaries on about two hours notice because nobody signed up to feed them and they had to ask last minute. While they were over, I gave them about 12 CDs that I had burned for them, some of them on my own blank CDs. I also gave them the chocolate I had bought for them because I heard one of them mention they wanted chocolate a few days earlier. I've written seven missionaries since Monday (and it's only Wednesday), and today, I used a fourth tank of gas to drive to the airport to pick up my friend. Why did the missionaries feel they could ask me to feed them on such short notice? Because I've fostered the relationship with them so that they know when they need anything, they can ask me. I love them. I do all these things out of love. I am a nice person.

This lady didn't know me. She had no concept of me. But me, I had no concept of her either. Maybe she was late picking someone up. Maybe she was picking up relatives who flew in for the funeral of a loved one. Maybe she, too, was terribly inconvenienced. And all I did was inconvenience her further.

So this is a lesson to remember every time the door gets slammed in my face. Every time I'm ignored, every time someone tells me off. It will be easy to call her an idiot behind her back. It will be tempting to tell her to her face that she is not a very nice person. But how on earth, after knowing her--no, seeing her--for two seconds, can I have any idea on earth as to what kind of person she is? I can't. The Lord knows, but I sure as heck don't. Maybe she is a nice person, but missionaries, or any kind of unwelcomed guest at her door, brings out the worst in her.  Maybe she is having a rough day and I happen to be the person she chooses to take it out on. But I never, ever, have the right to decide or claim that such and such person is not a nice person, because who I see isn't necessarily who she is.

The other point of this story is that sometimes, you need to be called on your crap. Sometimes, you need to call people on their crap. I can tell you one thing--I am never stealing a person's parking space ever again.

Toys R Us Kid

Yesterday was my last day at work at my beloved toy store. I remember posting my facebook status as a sophomore in high school, "I don't want grow up, I wanna be a Toys-R-Us kid." May of last year, I got my first job at Toys R Us (what.up. Not even planned.) Yesterday, I said goodbye for the next year and a half. My coworkers, as I have stated, were amazing. And when I first started, I really hated working there, but then I thought, "what kind of life do I lead where I hate working at a toy store?" My attitude has changed.

I have always said that I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I have always hated growing up. I've always wanted to find Neverland. Well, I am going to the Netherlands? That's close? Except for in Neverland, you never grow up, and in the Netherlands, I'll probably be doing the most growing up I have ever had to do.

I'm a kid at heart. I've been forced to grow up, because of all the rough stuff I went through as a child, and I've had to face the harsh realities of the world head on, but there's always been that yearning in my heart for the childhood innocence and experience I never had. Which, I think, is why I have the tendency to act like a child.

I think that's really the secret of life, though. We always say, in the church, to become childlike. Children are accepting of everyone. Children are extremely simplistic and can always bring you back down to earth when you feel overwhelmed, but they know that there is no limit to dreaming and hoping for the future. Children know that there is sadness, but focus on cheering you up when you feel it. Children still feel excitement over little things like fake tattoos, still find joy in writing on the concrete with chalk, and still see the playground as a castle, a dungeon, a structure amidst a sea of lava. Children still believe they can change the world. They see the beauty in every little dandelion weed and call it a flower. They still believe in magic and wishes and love.

Children see the future as theirs to mold and create with their tiny hands full of play dough and finger paints. Why can't we all just find a way to grow old without letting go of our inner child? I'm trying. Children don't worry about impressing people. They have no problem being themselves. They have no problem being honest. And they still believe that all they have to do to make the owie to not hurt anymore is get someone to kiss it better.

Obviously when we grow up, we understand that we can handle things better. Not throw tantrums. Not be selfish. Not pick our noses. But why can't we still dream big and see the weed as a flower and find joy and beauty in all things, dancing in the rain instead of complaining about not being able to go to the park?

Children--they cant do it on their own. And neither can we. We need the light from our Savior Jesus Christ. We need the love from our Heavenly Father, so that when we get really big, seemingly incurable owies, all we need is for Him to "kiss it better," because He really does have that power, but we have to let Him use it.

I keep trying to hold onto my inner child. I know that she sees a better life for me than the world does. And I know that she is going to find it if I let her.

Realizing Reality

Ik ben een echte person. I'm a real person.

Sometimes, when we go to the store, the cashier is not really a person to us. S/he is a cashier. We don't think of them as people with lives who have places to be, things to do, families to raise, lunches to take. We just think of them as the people we have to go to and pay for stuff, and sometimes argue with about prices.

At least, that was the way I thought of them. Before I became one.

I feel that the same goes for missionaries. We don't look at them as people who have a family at home, who had a life before the mission field, who may have left behind college scholarships or significant others or dying grandfathers and other familial issues to come out and do what they believe is the most rewarding service for the Lord. We don't look at them as people who could have our same music taste or like the same T.V. shows as us. If we're LDS, we see missionaries as "Wooo Elders! (/sisters)." If we're not LDS, we see the missionaries as white shirted, tie wearin, bike ridin, door knockin pests who have no feelings, and almost no humanity. Well, maybe not always. But the bottom line is, we don't see them as people. We see them as missionaries.

My sister asked me the other day if I was going to care about real things when I was away. Should she write me about how things were at home or did I only care about spiritual experiences?

Let me tell you something: I will still be me when I am on my mission. I will still be the music blastin, Gilmore Girl lovin, letter pranking, sarcastic quippin, baby fawnin friend, sister, daughter, aunt and person, even though I may not be able to do some of those things in the field. I will still be the girl who belts out "Defying Gravity" as if I'm performing for a large group of people (but it'll probably be some sort of hymn, instead.) I will still be the girl who laughs at stupid things and then tries to get other people to think they're funny. I will still be the girl who loves all things crafty, who still appreciates the starlit sky, and who still wonders and hopes about and for the world.

When I'm in the field, of course I'm going to need extra build ups of faith and self confidence. Of course I'm going to want to hear about your spiritual experiences to fuel my hopeful motivations. But I also want to know when my nephew tries to teach my newborn niece how to laugh. I want to know when my other nephew monopolizes the T.V. all morning to watch the same episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse six times. I want to hear all about my friends who are just entering or transferring to another college--how are the roommates? Do they respond well to the crazy pranks we talked about you pulling? Are the classes good? How are the professors? Is the food hardcore terrible or do you think you'll make it through? Are you putting yourself out there to make friends or are you just hoping they'll find you? Because we've already talked about how that doesn't work. I want to hear about the things that make you laugh. About the things that make you cry. About the things that inspire you. About the things that scare you. I want to hear that you learned a new song on guitar. I want to be let in on the things of your heart. And dangit, I want to hear about the dumb things you go through at work, because although I complain about hearing those stories day after day, I know that I'm going to miss them.

People don't respond well to fake, which is awesome, because I am terrible at being fake as it is. I feel like missionaries think they have to be fake because they feel that they have to leave their real self behind, but all I'm leaving behind are wasteful hobbies and excess fluff. I'm leaving behind the things that hide who I really am--a soul that radiates with faith and burns with passion and love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm leaving behind the things that mask my desire for proclaiming truth. I am leaving behind the bushel that I sometimes hide my light under. But I am not leaving behind my personality in the slightest. I will still be me.

I will try not to let "Tyffani" get in the way of "Zuster Hoff," but I will never stop striving for the impossible connection of being relatable and personable. I'll still find humor in unfortunate situations, give sass where applicable and do really poorly choreographed dances when I'm feeling the need to shake it out. I'll still share my thoughts and testimony as a real person. I will have to find the balance between my way and the Lord's way, but I have been called. I, Tyffani Hoff, am needed in Belgium and the Netherlands. So who I am isn't changing, it's just becoming better.

The Plan: Origin

I work with an exceptional bunch of people. None of them are LDS, in fact, some of them hate missionaries (haha!) but they always put a smile one my face and keep the laughter coming out my mouth (quite annoyingly, too. Seriously, my laugh is irritating.) They are seriously wonderful coworkers. I have truly been blessed to get a job where I have gotten along so well with the people I work alongside.

That being said, upon my two weeks notice getting out and word going around that I'm going to Belgium and the Netherlands to "spread the word," it has sparked some questions and conversations surrounding religion and why we proselyte and all that sorta thang (sweet. missionary opportunity before the mission). It has given me the sweet opportunity to ponder some things that, embarrassingly enough, I have never even pondered. Being questioned from the outside has been the best preparation yet--reaffirming what I know to be true and encouraging me to find out answers to questions I hadn't yet thought of.

It started yesterday when my coworker, we'll call her Kelly (because that's her name), came and asked me "So I have a serious that might require a much deeper answer than I'm looking for, but I heard once that Mormon's don't believe in Hell."

Woo! This was my turn to rock what I know--the Plan of Salvation/Plan of Happiness. This is what my testimony had been built upon ever since I knew that I had a testimony. I started "Well, yeah, that's kind of right. We believe that there are three degrees of glory, or three heavens, called Celestial, Terrestrial, and Telestial, in that order, and we are awarded to any of them based on our faithfulness in this life. Celestial is, like, the best, and Telestial is like this world, there can be happiness in it but it's ultimately scary and evil. Then Terrestrial is in between. I mean, we believe in outer darkness, but that's only for people who have gained positions of authority in the church and have then fallen away and denied it's truthfulness." (I am not an eloquent speaker. Truth.)

Then came the question that I am embarrassed to admit that I don't think I've ever truly studied.
"Where did that come from? Did a man just say that's how it is, or where does that belief come from?"

I panicked. I have no idea where exactly came from! Obviously it came from God, but through whom? Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price? I remember reading about the "noble and great ones" and how Abraham was "chosen before thou wast born" but I don't remember reading anything about after death! Did it come to Joseph Smith in the Doctrine and Covenants? Modern day revelation?

Well, I was stumped, so instead of looking stupid, I had to go back and explain about all of our standard works. Everyone knew about the Bible and the Book of Mormon that the LDS faith used, but I'm pretty certain most of them don't know about the D&C and Pearl of Great Price. I explained about Joseph Smith and how he didn't write the Book of Mormon, but he translated it from the ancient Egyptian language that it was written in. I explained that the Book of Mormon was a record of the ancient Americas, much like the Bible is a record of the ancient Middle Eastern Area
(Jerusalem, Egypt, etc.) The Book of Mormon is ANOTHER Testament of Jesus Christ. "We claim the bible to be the word of God (as far as it is translated correctly.) We also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God." (Article of Faith 8). I explained that the Doctrine and Covenants was modern revelation--that Joseph Smith was the first in a line of Latter Day Prophets that we have today to speak face to face with God and then relay the word of God to the inhabitants of this earth.

Unfortunately, after all my broken explanations (so much in my head, trying to come out my mouth all at once and failing) she had to go straighten some aisles and put stuff away leaving me to contemplate her question. I mean, I should know where my beliefs come from before I believe them, right? I'm not a blind believer. I know WHY I believe it. I know WHAT I believe. But I don't know WHERE that belief comes from. Well, I continued to explain the other two books to myself in my head. The Doctrine and Covenants is a book of modern day revelations given to Joseph Smith from God the Father and Jesus Christ. The Pearl of Great Price is kindof a weird miscellaneous book, it has Moses, Abraham, Joseph Smith-Matthew, Joseph Smith History and the Articles of Faith. The Bible was translated by Joseph Smith to the interpretation (we believe) that God meant it to have. The Pearl of Great Price is also revelation, but it's add-ons of revelation that came to Joseph Smith while he was translating the Bible. Moses is excerpts from the book of Moses that Joseph Smith received during the translation of the Bible and the book of Abraham, well...

"The early nineteenth century saw a meteoric rise of interest in ancient Egypt, due in large part to the discovery of the Rosetta Stone in 1799. Scads of explorers and excavators flocked to the historic desert ruins in search of ancient Egyptian artifacts. One of these was an Italian-born excavator named Antonio Lebolo.
Lebolo led a team of archaeologists in a dig near Thebes, which would yield several mummies. Some time before Lebolo's death in 1830, the mummies would be sold, and eventually find their way to New York and into the hands of a man named Michael Chandler. Found within the wrappings were several papyri, inscribed with Egyptian hieroglyphics, which Chandler was told, no one could translate. Chandler displayed the sarcophagi and the mummies within in many venues throughout the area. Many people would tell Chandler, often jokingly, that he ought to take the papyri to the Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith, as Smith had a reputation for being able to translate ancient writings.
In 1835, Chandler decided to make contact with Joseph Smith, who was then with a large body of the Saints in Kirtland, Ohio. Traveling to Kirtland that summer, Chandler showed Smith the mummies and supposedly undecipherable writings. As Smith began to translate, he felt prompted by the Lord that he should purchase the mummies, sarcophagi, and papyri from Michael Chandler, although the Prophet was not yet entirely sure what these inscriptions said. Chandler agreed to Smith's terms, and the Church raised money and purchased the lot, gaining ownership of the finds. As the Prophet continued translating, he was ecstatic to learn that the inscriptions came from the hand of the Old Testament Prophet Abraham. The resultant manuscript was published as a serial in the Church's magazine at the time, Times and Seasons, in 1842, and officially canonized by the Church and included in the Pearl of Great Price in 1880"

http://thoughtsfromamissionary.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-history-of-mormonism-where-did.html <-- that guy's a smart one. check him out, fer real.

Turning these thoughts over and over in my mind made me feel a lot better that at least I knew that part of my stuff, but I still wasn't too much closer to finding out where on earth the Plan of Salvation was recorded in the standard works. I see mention everywhere of pre-mortal life and earth life, but what about the three degrees of glory?  I remember what seemed like every year at least twice a year, we'd draw the diagram that looked like

THAT. I could draw each circle blindly and label it. It was driving me crazy that I couldn't remember what block of scripture we were studying while discussing this diagram.

 

Well, I found it. It was modern day revelation given to Joseph Smith while translating the bible. It is found now in Section 76 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Prophets are what's up.

 



There are still some questions though--we make references to Heaven and Hell in the Book of Mormon. The first thing that comes to mind is 2 Nephi 9. Especially verse 34 "Wo unto the liar, for he shall be thrust down to hell." Well, if you check out that spirit world, it doesn't show it in this diagram but there are two parts of it, paradise and spirit prison. It's where we wait until resurrection and Judgment day (that's the short explanation.) The waiting place for those good and faithful--paradise. The waiting place for those unreceptive and unknowing--spirit prison. Prison is a harsh word, it is more a place of learning, for those who didn't accept the knowledge, weren't obedient, or who weren't even able to hear about it while on earth. Being thrust down to hell would obviously send you to spirit prison, and then the real hell would most likely be the Telestial kingdom, which is most comparable to the world we live in. Beautiful, still, but not in the direct presence of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Left to live forever without that light and happiness. Let hell mean what you will, but if I had to live on this earth forever, out of the presence of my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ, I would call that Hell. The Celestial Kingdom (probably the closest to the idea of complete heaven)  is also the only degree where we can live forever with those we love most--our families. It is not 'til death do you part' in this glory, it is "sealed for time and all eternity." That's a big deal.

There are so many details to explain about this plan that I haven't even gotten into, and the great (yet overwhelming) part about the gospel is that it's all intertwined together and every principle can be related to the Atonement, the Plan of Salvation, the creation of worlds, and all other extremely complex principles, along with all the beautifully simple ones.

I believe that before I came to earth, I lived with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and with my family and all other people who hadn't yet received a body. I believe that after death, if I have lived up to the covenants I have made in this life and have been obedient to God's laws, that I can live in his presence with my family and with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ--for-ev-er. I believe that because Christ died for my sins, iniquities, pains and sorrows, and overcame death by rising again after being crucified, that I, too, will be resurrected and be able to overcome death and live forever with Him and my family. I believe in God's power on earth that we have to seal families for time and all eternity. I am thankful for that, and I have so much hope because of it. Amen.

These links came to be extremely helpful in my quest for knowledge. If you wanna check em out, feel free. They seem to explain a lot more helpfully than I can. :)
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=45af9daac5d98010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
http://reallywanttoknow.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/do-mormons-believe-in-hell-and-do-they-think-baptists-are-going-there/
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080722140013AAi5yFz
http://brackenallen-thinkonthesethings.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-logic-of-plan-of-salvation.html

Gelukkige Verjaardag, Broeder!

Happy Birthday, Brother!

Today, my older brother Mike would be turning 25. Unfortunately, at sixteen years of age, he was in a car accident that took his life. I am grateful for the growth and learning opportunities that I have gained through losing him, but not a day goes by that I don't miss him dearly.

Mike is the inspiration in my life for so many things. I was only ten when he died, but he left a legacy with me. Sometimes when I song write, I feel close to him. I know we both have that music language thing goin on. But the closest I have ever felt to him has been these past months in which I have been preparing for a mission.

I know that Michael, though only 16 years old, was preparing early for what would be his eventual mission. Little did we all know, however, that he would be called a few years early.

Three years before what would be his 19 year old mission, he bought a nametag from the Deseret Bookstore that said "Future Missionary." Three years before I thought what would be my 21 year old mission, I went out and bought myself a nametag that said "Missionary in Training." We were both called three years too early-- he receiving the call at 16 and I receiving it at 18--and I believe completely that his 19 year old mission just became mine. Thus, I believe completely that he will be with me while I am serving the Lord fulltime in the Belgium/Netherlands Mission. (How convenient, also, since the oldest age limit for men to serve is now 25 and he just barely makes the cut ;))

Back in December when I began the waiting game for the mission, in order to not become lazy and useless in my 5 month wait to enter the MTC, I made goals for myself. Some of them I've done a great job at, such as getting up and bearing my testimony every month in fast and testimony meeting. Some of them I've failed miserably at, such as start trying to implement the sleep schedule. One that I've done alright with is reading the Book of Mormon once a month (like, completely. Read it in Jan and Feb, not in March :/ but tryin to in April!) Yep, call me crazy. Anyway, as I started in January, I picked up a triple (Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price) that I assumed was mine and started reading. I didn't see my markings so I looked at the cover and saw the engraving Michael E. Hoff on the cover. Almost nothing in that book was marked (typical, of a newly 16 year old boy) but there was one passage of scripture that was bracketed and annotated and it was Alma 7: 22-23 with the words off to the side that said "ask, BUT also thank." What a missionary motto. I knew, when I read that, that this scripture (Alma 7:23-24) would be the one to be on my missionary plaque--and it reads:

23 And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

24 And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works.

What I love about these verses is that it doesn't JUST apply to missionary work, it applies to the way you live your life. I know that I will probably suffer from post-mission depression, and I know these scriptures will teach me how to keep on keepin on even afterwards. These scriptures are also the heart of missionary work--you cant just teach, you have to BE. BE humble, BE submissive and gentle, BE easy to be entreated, BE full of long suffering, BE temperate in all things, BE diligent in keeping the commandments. How you act is an example of your faith, and BEING an example is the best way to preach what you know. (there is so much I could say about charity right now but I will save that for later.)

I was so hesitant to put that on my plaque because it's so permanent, but what better scripture could I pick than one that spoke to me through my brother?

I know, through and because of this gospel, that death is heartbreaking, BUT, the most joy and happiness that we can ever experience comes through death. Mortality is such a short, but painfully important, time in the spectrum of e t e r n i t y and the plan of salvation teaches that we can be with our families forever because of the Atonement through which Christ overcame death.

My brother was never mine to keep. He was never mine to lose. He was always my Father in Heaven's. I am just incredibly blessed that I got to know him, that I got to love him, and that I still get to have his influence with me today, even through the veil. In the play "Savior of the World" I helped put on with the church back in December, there was a part in Act II when a little girl says to Mary, after Jesus had risen, "I don't ever want to lose him again," to which Mary responded, "you don't have to." I know we never have to live without God's light if we choose to live righteously, and I also know that just because we lose someone physically does not mean that we have to lose them spiritually. I love that.

"I'm just incredibly blessed in my life. I know the Lord will strengthen me where I am weak and provide a way for me to accomplish his work. I hope I remain worthy, righteous, and valiant enough to bring people unto him. Of prayer and priesthood power, I have a strong testimony. I feel my brother with me and couldn't be happier to know of the Savior's complete love for me insomuch that he would take my brother away only to have him be with me always. Someday I hope to share my complete testimony of this to someone in the most profound way."  My journal entry from November 6, 2012.

Perfect example of how, even though life is serious business, it's still important to have fun and be silly--especially when it comes to Walmart underwear. We can let things be awkward, or we can put a good sense of humor to good use. :)

 

Happy 25, Bro!



Now here is a song I wrote two years ago:

Hey Mike,
I've recently taught myself the guitar,
And sometimes when I lie underneath the stars,
I think of you, as if you're shining through
Holes in the floor of heaven.
And when I'm in the basement, you're old room,
I sometimes feel you're there with me too,
And sometimes I'll speak, cuz I know you hear me,
Even though you're far away in heaven.
But I'm not writing this letter to tell you about me,
Cuz I know that you know who I've grown to be.
So I'm writing this letter to you to say
A part of me started living for you today
And I want you to stay by your other sisters' sides
And keep watch over Mom, cuz I know she still cries,
And even though Dad's a hard shell,
I know that he is hurting as well
Cuz it's been hard without you all these years,
but let them know like I know that you're still here.
Thanks for always being there for your baby sis,
And I'll write again soon. I promise.
Hey Mike,
I've seen so many flowers around for you today,
People had put some on your sign and some on your grave,
And I'm still amazed at all the lives you changed
The day you were called home to heaven.
And when our nephew cam over this morning to play
All I could think is that'd it'd be so great
If you here playing cars instead of being so far away
Watching him from heaven
But I know well that this is part of the plan
So I'm going to continue holding on best I can
And I'm writing this letter to you to say
Even though it's hard I'm still keeping my faith
But please keep staying by our sisters' sides
And comfort Mom, some nights I still hear her cry,
And underneath Dad's hard shell,
I can see the pain he hides too well
Cuz it's been hard without you all these years
And they need to feel like I do, that you're still here,
So please keep staying here for your baby sis
And I'll keep writing you letters. I promise.
I want to write you about all the things you've missed,
but there hasn't been anything major you haven't witnessed,
I can feel you everywhere, I love that you are always there,
And even though I miss you so, I know I'll see you once I get home,
I can't wait to live with you again, but first I'll have to endure to the end...
So as I'm ending this letter to you, I'll say
I am looking forward to the day
Where we'll all stand side by side
And the only tears will be from joyful cries
And the clarity will flood in and lift the veil
And everything will make sense when we look back at the trail
That will lead us there after struggling all these years
And the pain and hurt will disappear
After I've kept up my end of the promise,
I love you.
Sincerely,
Your baby sis

What fills the heart, will flow from the mouth...

Waar het hart vol van is, stroomt de mond van over. What fills the heart, will flow from the mouth.

My heart is full of the joy that comes from living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My heart is filled with the love I have for the blessings in my life because of it. My heart overflows with the excitement at the opportunities I will have to serve my Lord and God, and his son Jesus Christ.

Thus, according to this Dutch proverb, joy of the gospel, love for it's blessings, and excitement for service should flow from my mouth. How convenient it is, then, that I am taking flight to serve a year and a half mission in the Belgium/Netherlands mission? So incredibly convenient, I think.

On May Day 2013, I will be reporting to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, to learn super slick missionary skills and the language of the Dutchmen so I can do the preachin thang. Then, after about 6 weeks of learnin, I will set sail (board a plane) for the Belgium/Netherlands region and spend the next 16 and a half months falling in love with the people and culture there, and even more so with this gospel (and, of course, bringing people unto Christ and helping their lives be as super sweet as mine).

My ETA for my return home is October of 2014. Until then, I will try to have someone update this thing with my weekly letters and pictures so all those who love me wont miss me too much.

Let the journey begin! 23 days until Provo!

Life starts now.