Toys R Us Kid

Yesterday was my last day at work at my beloved toy store. I remember posting my facebook status as a sophomore in high school, "I don't want grow up, I wanna be a Toys-R-Us kid." May of last year, I got my first job at Toys R Us (what.up. Not even planned.) Yesterday, I said goodbye for the next year and a half. My coworkers, as I have stated, were amazing. And when I first started, I really hated working there, but then I thought, "what kind of life do I lead where I hate working at a toy store?" My attitude has changed.

I have always said that I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I have always hated growing up. I've always wanted to find Neverland. Well, I am going to the Netherlands? That's close? Except for in Neverland, you never grow up, and in the Netherlands, I'll probably be doing the most growing up I have ever had to do.

I'm a kid at heart. I've been forced to grow up, because of all the rough stuff I went through as a child, and I've had to face the harsh realities of the world head on, but there's always been that yearning in my heart for the childhood innocence and experience I never had. Which, I think, is why I have the tendency to act like a child.

I think that's really the secret of life, though. We always say, in the church, to become childlike. Children are accepting of everyone. Children are extremely simplistic and can always bring you back down to earth when you feel overwhelmed, but they know that there is no limit to dreaming and hoping for the future. Children know that there is sadness, but focus on cheering you up when you feel it. Children still feel excitement over little things like fake tattoos, still find joy in writing on the concrete with chalk, and still see the playground as a castle, a dungeon, a structure amidst a sea of lava. Children still believe they can change the world. They see the beauty in every little dandelion weed and call it a flower. They still believe in magic and wishes and love.

Children see the future as theirs to mold and create with their tiny hands full of play dough and finger paints. Why can't we all just find a way to grow old without letting go of our inner child? I'm trying. Children don't worry about impressing people. They have no problem being themselves. They have no problem being honest. And they still believe that all they have to do to make the owie to not hurt anymore is get someone to kiss it better.

Obviously when we grow up, we understand that we can handle things better. Not throw tantrums. Not be selfish. Not pick our noses. But why can't we still dream big and see the weed as a flower and find joy and beauty in all things, dancing in the rain instead of complaining about not being able to go to the park?

Children--they cant do it on their own. And neither can we. We need the light from our Savior Jesus Christ. We need the love from our Heavenly Father, so that when we get really big, seemingly incurable owies, all we need is for Him to "kiss it better," because He really does have that power, but we have to let Him use it.

I keep trying to hold onto my inner child. I know that she sees a better life for me than the world does. And I know that she is going to find it if I let her.